If Your Nose Is Running and You Think It's Funny, It's Snot

I never get sick. OK, I very rarely get sick. But now I am sick. My nose has been running for three straight days, I want to claw out my very itchy eyes and I think I've sneezed on every Brown Line rider in Chicago. My co-worker J has been witness to my misery and yesterday gave me a Q-Tip slathered with goo and told me to stick it up my nose. I guess these swabs are called Zicam and they're supposed to cut the time you have a cold in half. I don't know if I buy it, but it's suprisingly fun to stick goo-covered swabs up your nose. Trust me, don't knock it til you've tried it.

Anyway, I really shouldn't be coming into work. I can't concentrate, I'm not being productive, and by the end of the week I likely will have infected at least two of my co-workers with my virus. So you would think I would call in sick, right? For once in my life, I actually have a legit excuse for taking a sick day (Although I've always claimed a lunch date with Maury Po. to be a highly legitimate sick day excuse).

My problem is that I only have one more sick day, and we just got a huge lecture from our boss about abusing the sick day policy. Apparently, too many people used their sick days last year. Keep in mind, these are sick days each of us earned, but we're allowed to actually take a certain number each year. They have threatened to fire people for taking too many sick days.

So now I am scared shitless to call in sick. The only way I will do it is if a lady spider bites me in my sleep and lays its eggs in my face and then they hatch inside my head and disperse in my body. Then I might call in. Am I the only one who works under a ridiculous sick time policy? Because I kind of get the feeling that my management would rather me come in to work with a highly contagious flesh-eating Ebola-like virus than use my sick days.