I'm assuming my invitation got lost in the mail

So Archbishop Don Magic Juan, my personal favorite of the Archbishops (right in front of Desmond Tutu), graced Maywood, Ill. with his presence this weekend at his Players Ball Convention. You might remember the self-proclaimed "King of there Pimps" for his memorable turns as Himself in the acclaimed documentaries "Pimps Up, Hos Down," and "American Pimp," or perhaps you're familiar with his personal mantra, which speaks to the soul and to which I'm sure we can all relate: "My favorite colors are green for the money and gold for the honey." I feel you, Don. Truer words were never spoken. He also recorded a lovely little ditty with his pal Snoop Dogg.

Right. So The Magic was there on Saturday, presiding over the Player's Ball, where he gave out an award for "No. 1 International Pimp of the Year," celebrated his birthday and drank enough Moet and Courvoisier to flood a couple of small towns.

Here's a man who has contributed so much to society, who gives it to you straight with no chaser, and yet some haters still have to rain on The Magic's parade. Hey fools, don't hate, participate.

Don't get me wrong: I'm definitely not a fan of pimps or what they do to women. But pimping has become such a parody of itself that it's hard to take it seriously, anyway: Nelly hawks Pimp Juice energy drink; Ice-T, the most celebrated of the pimps, has gone legit as a detective on "Law and Order: SVU" and Vince Vaughn played a pimp parody in the movie "Be Cool." Actual pimping is wrong, but there's a difference between beating and exploiting women and taking an outdated element of the lifestyle and turning it on its head.

Wikipedia says that as of late, the verb "to pimp" has acquired a meaning not related to prostitution: to promote, to advertise or to push, as in "ESPN has really been pimping T.O. a lot lately."

Then again, if I lived in Maywood, I don't know if I'd want a Player's Ball in my backyard, either. Would you?